Love in the time of Coronavirus

I have a friend who works as a cruise ship doctor (he's one of life's top humans, by the way. He created the bar for our wedding despite running two businesses and having at least two other jobs. And he is generally chief orchestrator of FUN).  In fact, he's on a cruise ship right now.

Now I know what you're thinking - working on a cruise ship, now? Bold!  And then think that through - can you imagine three months ago thinking that working on a cruise ship could be considered an extreme activity?

It seems prudent to write at this time, if nothing else to serve as part of the record of this once-in-a-lifetime event.  I'm a cancer doctor but as chance would have it, I'm currently a laboratory-based PhD student doing brain cancer research.  I have been doing work on-call (weekends, evenings) since I started in August but basically I'm a scientist in training right now. I feel utterly helpless.  I've had all the support I could dream of in terms of going back to the clinical world, and have indeed been told that I'll probably be drafted in to work clinically.  But it's all about timing, and the time is not now.  For now, I need to try to calm myself and generate some kind of PhD-from-home strategy, and for how long no-one knows.  Meanwhile, Mr KP, who works as an Emergency Doctor, has been living the effects of the day-to-day changing of decisions, policies and patient flow.  Having just finished nights, we've therefore both been at home.  

Mr KP and I are so very lucky.  For one thing, we're a 'we'! Social distancing is a lot more tolerable when there's two of you. And although we are generally not people who talk about work in our home, it's a relief to have someone who understands as much as anyone can right now about how we're going to emotionally deal with this.  Love!  

Our survival strategy - games and gardening!

 

Physical on-your-own isolation must be tough, and I'm reaching out to friends who live alone; but what's been interesting is that this event feels (for me at least), The Opposite of Loneliness.  I've actually had to mute essentially all of my WhatsApp groups and put my phone in another part of the house for large parts of the day.  One evening there were easily 200 messages floating between my two labs and my clinical work WhatsApp groups.  Love, but for me, it's a bit too hot to handle.  

We are incredibly lucky to have such a big group of medical friends who, quite honestly, have been my source of calm in all of this, in spite of the fact they are the very ones on the coalface.  I had a big gathering of my best buds from university in late January (again - timing! Phew!) - forty of us when you include kids, plus a couple of dogs for good measure.  That's the sanest big WhatsApp group of which I'm part.  We've started doing regular video meet ups and it would be a strange irony that being so limited in our ability to physically be together will probably bring us closer together in just about every other way.  Love! Social distancing is so important, but we can find trust and comfort even in physical isolation. For me it's helped me manage my worries about what's ahead.  

Fuelling anxiety helps no-one.  That's what makes it galling when you see the over- or under-playing of the situation either by excessive Twitter anxiety or lack of social distancing respectively.  The result? Anxiety - and actions driven by anxiety - or inaction.  I've seen any number of articles by Dr Blah Blah Blah saying the government strategy is wrong, or it's not enough, or it's too much, or everything in between.  I used to read these articles.  Now I don't.  Why?  Because this is an unprecedented situation, and I am not an expert.  I see in my day-to-day life that uncertainty and ambiguity leads people to be unsure about what to do - so either they fail to change their actions, or feel anxious, or any number of unhelpful things.  We would never trust one individual person's view (our own or someone elses) in our own lines of work, so why do we do so now in an area so complex and multifaceted? Show yourself some love and switch these sources of reading OFF.  

People keep saying to Mr KP in particular that things must be very stressful given his line of work.  Honestly, I think it helps to know that he, and eventually me, are able to be useful.  I appreciate this particularly currently as I feel useLESS.  The need to feel needed is a powerful emotion, and surprisingly stressful.  That in itself makes me feel guilty - and so the cycle continues.  My utility right now is probably to Stay Well, reach out to the lone livers and find a sustainable way of living distantly.  And encourage those I can to Calm Down and #StayTheFHome.  

Rays of light as storm clouds gather

As Hugh Grant (or The Prime Minister) wisely said in That Film - 'General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.... If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.'

So go and give your loved ones a virtual hug, and thank modern technology that we can!